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Latest Posts: Tuesday July 29, 2014

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From the Tosh.0 blog

We've been a bit obsessed with Internet shopping today.  But, if you're looking for a gift for that special someone, we've found a good one.

squirrelcop1

A tiny mounted squirrel wearing an army beret and holding a rifle from Rick’s Custom Squirrels!  Who needs a waterskiing squirrel when you've got one of these?

You know, the cool thing about the internet is that you can turn your unsuccessful local commercial venture into a floundering international business in no time.

And you can find recipes for delicious squirrel melts.  Mmmmm.  Squirrel melts.

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From Indecision

palin-prom

Ohmigod. You've been following the Republican social dramz, right? No? Okay, quick recap: Last night the National Republican Senatorial Committee and the National Republican Congressional Committee held their joint prom in Washington, DC, and first Sarah Palin was supposed to attend and then she wasn't and then she was and then she wasn't and then she was like, fine, I don't want to go anyway, and the rest of the GOP was like, well, I hear she stuffs her bra.

In the end everything worked out just great! Sarah showed up with her date Dude, and they slow-danced a little too close for chaperone Newt Gingrich's taste but then everybody laughed it off over by the punch bowl. And this morning, all the kids at the school papers are saying stuff like how Sarah "stole the show" and was "a star" and "the center of attention," oh boy, let's find out what else she did, maybe she took off her shoes and danced on a table while shooting wolves or something…

Palin did not speak at the event, but during a break in the program for dinner, Republicans clustered around the former vice presidential nominee’s table near the front of the ballroom, eager to meet the governor and pose for pictures.

It was the only table in the vast ballroom that had a crowd gathered around it — and despite their distance from Palin’s table, multiple television cameras kept their lenses trained on the governor for much of the evening.

Hmm, so, basically she just sat there and let a bunch of drooly Republicans project their weird political fantasies on the blank canvas of her brain. What can you do? It's her #1 talent, along with abstinence education.

Also the Republicans raised $14.45 million at their prom, so they should have a really fun class trip to Disneyworld in 2010.

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Last night Jimmy Fallon was presented the Webby for Person of the Year. If any disgruntled internet geek was stewing trying to figure out how to hack reality and make moot Person of the Year instead, yesterday's Late Night surely swayed him to Jimmy's side (Well, probably not. Those people are obsessive, but let's pretend it did). Zack Morris, Mark-Paul Gosselaar in character, showed up on Late Night and used a giant cell phone! Just like on Saved by the Bell!

It might seem weird for Gosselaar to don his old costume, especially when he's moved on with his new legal drama. But Saved by the Bell is family, and you never abandon family. Do you think Jane Kaczmarek would follow him to Raising the Bar: The College Years? She probably wouldn't even show up to his Hawaii wedding.

[via Late Night with Jimmy Fallon]

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The Colbert Report's week of shows from Iraq started out with a bang last night. Along with a crowd of hundreds of rowdy soldiers, the show featured appearances from John McCain and Barack Obama. But that's not where the similarities to my honeymoon end. The show capped off with Stephen going high and tight courtesy of General Ray Odierno.

Get a look at Stephen's new haircut after the jump.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

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You may have watched last night's Colbert Report from Iraq, but you probably haven't seen these photos from the taping yet. Looking at these is just like being at the taping and then getting really drunk so you only remember a few single frames of it.

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(USO Photo by Steve Manuel)

More photos after the jump.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10c.

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(USO Photo by Steve Manuel)

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(USO Photo by Steve Manuel)

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(USO Photo by Steve Manuel)

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(USO Photo by Steve Manuel)

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55899151The Daily Show's Josh Gad talks about the differences between the chats and the field pieces, "That [field piece] process was a lot of fun for me, because I got to be very influential in the conception, execution, and editing." [The Apiary]

Bobb'e J. Thompson, from Human Giant and Role Models, wants a Bar Mitzvah so he can collect the gifts and cash. Little does he know he will also be gifted with horn-rimmed glasses and a neurotic demeanor. [Aziz is Bored]

Important breaking news! Zach Galifianakis' penis from The Hangover was a dildo, not his real penis. You can now return to your regularly scheduled link reading. [Cinema Blend]

Judd Apatow takes over for Amy Sedaris regular Believer advice column this month, presumably so she can take some time off to sew giant clothe vaginas. [The Believer]

Mike Birbiglia talks about himself talking about himself, "Sometimes I’ll say to my producer before I walk onstage… 'I'll see you in a couple hours. I’ve got to go talk about myself onstage for an hour and a half.'" [NY Mag]

The Lonely Island's Akiva Schaffer may direct Jonah Hill's feature film screenplay. Although Justin Timberlake will not be credited, he will pop up in about 96% of the scenes. [/film]

Usually this site celebrates stand-up comedy in all it's forms, but, honestly, Glenn Beck should quit doing comedy and just stick to what he does best; calling Obama a socialist planning to imprison conservatives in cages made of hemp.  [NY Times]

Ken Jeong has quickly gone from upstanding member of the medical community to crazy comedic actor who ran around naked in The Hangover. Dreams do come true! [LA Times]

David Cross made an appearance in a UK Funny or Die video, representing America by eating a piece of a McDonald's bag. If he was a real American, he would have eaten the whole thing, plus the park bench they are sitting on. [Funny or Die UK]

Eugene Mirman's gives an amazing high school commencement speech, "The main difference for you, between life yesterday and life tomorrow, is you can go to the bathroom whenever you want… you’ve earned it!" Watch it after the jump.

[via Eugene Mirman]

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This morning we showed you some photos of Stephen Colbert in Iraq. Now we've got an advanced glimpse of the first Iraqi episode of The Colbert Report, which will air tonight at 11:30pm / 10:30c. I believe this image depicts Stephen receiving one of the Army's famous shiatsu scalp massages.

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(USO Photo by Steve Manuel)

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From the Tosh.0 blog

The net is always gossiping about the latest in wireless gadgetry. But what about the phones that ushered in the web-enabled mobile devices of today? We decided to give them each their own, special review. This is: The 10 Worst Cell Phones of All Time.

PANTECH PN-218

Motorola StarTAC

Remember that Motorola StarTAC that everyone loved in the 90s until the antenna broke? The Pantech PN-218 reminds me of that, except it was made in 2007. It has the same crappy antenna also.

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lg c1300LG C1300

This is a phone that you get for free by signing a contract and nobody would ever choose it for any other reason.

But here's what sets it apart — it features a "mirror" on the outside. Since when is a shiny piece of black plastic a mirror? I might as well look at my reflection in a puddle of motor oil in an alleyway.

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Read the rest of this entry »

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From Indecision

If you had to just think of something off the top of your head, what word would you use to describe Barack Obama's popularity right now (at least according to Rasmussen Reports)?

How about "non-existent"?

For the first time in his presidency, Barack Obama has hit zero.

Wow! That sounds amazingly likely. I wonder what kind of math they used to come up with that not-at-all bullshit calculation…

The Rasmussen Reports' daily Presidential Tracking Poll for Friday showed that 34 percent of Americans "strongly approve" of President Obama's job performance, but for the first time, 34 percent also "strongly disapprove."

Hmmmm… Let's see… 34 minus 34… equals, um… Zero!

Well, the math checks out. It appears that the president's existential being has been sucked into a theoretical vortex of quantum mechanical statistics.

Just like Air America's ratings.

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* I won't even try to explain this one.

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On Friday's Tonight Show, Patton Oswalt was on and, to the best of my knowledge, busted out his parenting material on TV for the first time.

This video is cool because it's good for weeding out the regular Patton fans from the Patton super-fans. If you're just a regular fan, you watch it and think, "Patton is so funny. I hope when I'm a parent, I'm just like him."

But if you're a super-fan you think, "Patton is so funny. I wish I was his baby. And I'm not talking about adoption. I wish Patton Oswalt could grow a womb where I could live, subsisting solely on nourishment fed to me through a tube that connects us. Then, after nine months, I would emerge from Patton's loins, coated in vernix and embodying pure, unfettered innocence. Then he'd breastfeed me and coach my t-ball team. Just your basic super-fan stuff."